The Not So Amazing Spider-Man 2 – A Geek Rant

Welcome to the very first Pixelation Saturation Geek Rant.

It took me almost a month, but I finally got around to catching an afternoon matinee of The Amazing Spider-Man 2. I’m not really sure why it took me so long, I’ve caught most other super hero flicks on opening weekend. Maybe it was due to the fact Spider-Man doesn’t reside in the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe), or the fact that it was well know that the movie featured 3 villains from the web head’s infamous peanut gallery of baddies… we all know how well that worked out for the Batman.

movies-batman-and-robin-mr-freeze

You could have froze at just one villain, Batman and Robin.

After two and a half hours, it wasn’t the large popcorn that gave me a sour stomach (although, those delicious butter cover corn kernels sure didn’t help), it was the film’s last five minutes that trumped even Spider-Man 3’s musical number as the web slinger’s greatest downfall on celluloid .

SPOILERS AHEAD

Just dumb.

Just dumb.

Yes, the last few minutes of the movie made me almost forgive the first 140 minutes of it’s ludicrousness. I hate lazy story telling, and I get there were a lot of comic cells to cover when trying to squeeze three baddies and story arcs into one flick, but seriously – if the entire purpose of the movie was to try and get me excited about a new nemesis rich Spidey universe you can count me out.

spiderman15

Who has two thumbs, rosacea, and can glide like a hawk in the night on first flight? This guy!

I can accept that Electro was just some happy go lucky loner that just wanted to feel wanted. I’ll even acknowledge the Harry Osborn/Green Goblin overnight transformation (hey, maybe the Goblin Glider is like a Segway). The straw that broke this comic nerd’s back was Paul Giamatti’s Rhino.

The first action packed scene established that Giamatti’s mother Russia loving stereotype had anger issues and no care for life – he wanted the nuclear yellow cargo and didn’t care who died under his semi’s wheels to get it. Why is it then, in the movie’s final scene, the now crazier then ever Rhino will shoot without care at cops, but will let a small boy with a spider costume walk out and cause a cease fire. Hell, home boy even opens his blast shield to give the po-po the perfect head shot opportunity… So. Fucking. Dumb.

All the Amazing Spidey 2 had to do was concentrate on the one moment everyone knew was coming from the first time we saw those shots of Emma Stone in a mint green jacket, instead we got a elongated Electro fight that I could really care less about and a dropped Gwen scene that lacked the terror of the psycho goblin killing her before Spidey could even save her.

Dead bitches need no stitches.

Dead bitches need no stitches.

Was it the worst super hero flick of all time? No, but Marvel Studios has woven some amazing stories as of late and after spending most of the movie waiting impatiently for Gwen to put on her mint coat I just couldn’t help but want to rant on the moronic nature of the current Spider-Man cinematic universe.

And that my friends, was a Geek Rant. What did you think of the Amazing Spider-Man 2? Leave a comment and let me know if I was totally off my rocker on my hate or spot on wanting to spray this arachnid with a can of spider poison.

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Categories: Geek Rant, Movies

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